Childhood

In this recently divulged article, theKwek has posted an unmarked letter carrying a fantasy story he allegedly wrote at 11 years of age, under the instruction of a certain Miss Denise Yeo, who has since married and lives under a different surname.

It's an ant's life

The day had come. It was the day that our old wise queen would announce the successor to her throne. The next in line, the Crown Princess. All the ants stood in strict rank and file lined up according to caste and role in the colony. All in suspense, silent, waiting for the ordination. The general of our ant army, Sir Formicidae, also fondly known as Wizard, stepped forward and stood on the right of the throne. And in his bass, trombone-like true antish squeak, he read out the Constitution, drawn up earlier by the Antagon, the legislatory body that lived in a five sided chamber.

"Friends, Ants and Colonymen, on this day in the year 1998, our beloved queen, highly skilled in all forms of insectamagic, claimed this Newfoundland. Our forefathers," he paused for a sip of nectar "built our beloved nest sweet nest, our very own home. In recent years, however, terrorists have invaded what we have learnt to call the Big Apple, our home. Now all ants shall unite as one to fight our oppressor, the Tan clan of humans, who have tyrannized us since 2000, their prowess being in chemical warfare and nuclear weapons of mass destruction. They are scheming and terrorizing, but the ants shall prevail!" The ants let out a collective cheer.

Then the Wizard stepped out. All the people cheered. Suddenly he looked straight into my eyes. I was scared and came forward trembling. He put his hand on my shoulder and spoke to the crowd.

"I hereby appoint Argentine, eldest princess in the colony, to be the next queen, protector of the kingdom, ruler of the backyard and sole heir of all surrounding states. May the ants prevail!" The queen stepped forward, dragging her stately abdomen along. All the ants fell silent. She laid the crown on my head, then her old thorax gave one last heave, and our beloved queen breathed her last. I was in a daze for the rest of the day, and sat stonily while the other ants cheered, and sang "God save the Queen". The atmosphere of patriotism was so strong that the riot control policeants had to come and maintain discipline in the crowd. This is a gigantic privilege, I told myself. But it carried some risk too. Now I had taken over the role of the queen in this full-scale, real-life chess battle. I was given the power to spearhead attacks to the Tan clan, especially their queen, who towered over us brandishing a cylinder of lethal gas. I was given authority over the colony, the ability to manipulate the forces at will for the good of the colony. As I took the Queen's Oath, I swore to myself that I would lock the Tan queen in an impossible checkmate and force her troops to retreat!
First, I reorganized the colony. I appointed my younger sisters to be in charge of egg-laying, a task that our previous queen had done all by herself. I then summoned the troops, who were stationed at the heart of the colony (situated in the back garden) to start a full-scale invasion into enemy territory. I chose the kitchen as our first potential target, hoping to ensure a steady supply of food. The first few attempts at this were unsuccessful. Our troops were found out, and this resulted in a total loss of 75 soldiers.

Then, I had a brainwave. Collaborating with our allies the termites, who were part of the United Anthropoids agreement of '99, we burrowed a labyrinth of tunnels through the walls of the house. Our worker ants and those of the termites worked furiously day and night. Finally, one rainy morning, we penetrated through the walls of the kitchen cabinet. Here we set up another stronghold, and established means of communication and retreat between the two nests. Next I arrowed the scout ants to search the kitchen. They brought back excellent reports on the enemy's milk and honey and sent back information on sugar tins and biscuit boxes. In the cupboards, we did make a revolting find – poisonous weapons of mass destruction, and bodies of some of our comrades. I relocated two younger queens to the new nest, to supply the front line with workers.

For the next year nothing much happened, I greeted the new batch of larvae, assigned roles to my workers, set up a parliament with the different ministries and attended two summits, one was United Anthropoids, the other was G-6. I conducted leadership and life skills workshops to the new ants, who upon graduation were assigned to other tasks. I also set up the Red Ant and St. Queen's Ambulance, two organizations for the younger ants. In my free time, I studied military strategies, especially those of one Sun Zi and Ma Yi, all shrewd generals of the previous two millenniums. All was peaceful and quiet.

A year later, I decided to penetrate further into enemy territory, as the new arrivals had made the colony rather cramped. I discussed the issue at hand with my Prime Minister, Sir Formicidae, and my minister of Defense and Internal Security, Mdm Iridomyrmex. The debate and discussion lasted for half an hour, but the decision was clear and final. Our next target would be the City Centre, or Central keep of the Tan fortress- the bedroom. We planned the impending attacks such that the combined armies of ant and termite would march 3 metres up the water pipe that connected to the Tan's upstairs toilet. From there, we would burrow through the Tan's artificial toilet wall, and set up HQ in an old wardrobe.
I sent 12 spies up the shaft first, ants of the Special Task Force, codename Operation 164, fighters of the elite. They bore a good report, although one had died at the hands of the enemy Matriarch. The central armies set off the next day flanked on the left and right by our termite friends. I led the Operation personally, with my ministers of Defense, Home Affairs, etc. staying at base camp. The troops all made it to the top and through the burrow that had earlier been constructed. Having set up shop there and established a large food supply, I immediately sent a contingent into the open to scout about. Big mistake. Once in the open, the troops were utterly vulnerable. Subjected to poison gas and other merciless torture as the Tan child's POWs, less than half staggered back alive. Business as usual, though. Operation 164 was a failure. 165, 166 and 167 fared little better, but 168 proved to be a success, maybe due to the auspicious codename number. A stronghold was built in the wardrobe, and a tunnel started progressing towards the Tan's bed. This was a brainchild of Sir Formicidae, who guessed that the Tan's would know our power if we terrorized them in their sleep. So led by Mdm Iridomyrmex, our armies, ants only, this time, started our quick march towards the bed, together with carts carrying food and weapons. We planned to complete the trek in 3 days, and as minister of Food and Agriculture, Mdm Antaliza Rice estimated, we had just enough supplies for that. Meanwhile, between the three existing camps, our workers ferried food and provisions to and fro, sending as much as possible to the battle front…………

On August the 9th, '03, our CIA (central intelligence of ants) informed us that the Tans had left on an expedition to a mysterious stadium. Our ants had started to set traps around and on the bed. All the work was put to a stop, and as many ants as possibly could rushed to the front to help out, determined to defeat the Tans by means of guerilla warfare. Army Ants brandishing their gleaming jaws stationed themselves at strategic locations, while our worker ants split up the work, some helping the elite samurai ants with their armour, others preparing catapults to cannonball troops right onto the Tan's faces. From my post at the Antagon watching all this happen on CCTV, I was confident of victory.
At midnight, we attacked. General Washingtant lead the main forward thrust. The cicadas outside served as our band, rallying the troops against the Tans. Our armies rushed forward in an organized wave. They tsunamied towards the Tan's sleeping figures, shouting in one voice "May the Ants Prevail!" As chief reporter Donant Rumsfeld said "it was total chaos on the battlefield. Our troops kept pouring in from every direction." Our battle machines were all put into action. Commandos were flung onto the Tan's soft faces. Groups of soldiers held machine-guns, AK 47s, firing stings at the Tans. Workers ran to and fro, reloading the weapons, preparing to fire. Our horsemen charged forth, riding bareback on aphids, driving their poisoned spears into the foe. Our allies the termites came to help, pelting the Tans with home-made grenades, some firing jets of venom. Even the moths, usually placid creatures, served as our helicopters, dropping reinforcements into the Tan's hair and clothing. Our newly-invented nuclear bombs were put into use, even though our neighbor pests disapproved of it. Then the Queen Tan rose. She let out a horrifying roar, either a spine chilling battle cry or a bloodcurdling petrified scream. She trashed about wildly, but to no avail. Then she tried to grope about for her Baygon. Bit by bit we gunned her of the bed, then smothered her in a blanket of ants, alive and crawling, driving stings into her. Each ant was filled with hate for the evil monster who had tried to eliminate us. We totally mollified her, and almost put an end to her, when I, who suddenly thought of how the Tan children would feel, called a halt to the battle. Exhausted, the troops left contingent by contingent, till all were back in the safety of our temporary shelter under the bed. Revenge is sweet, like sugar and nectar.

Early the next day, the Tan clan vacated the house, taking with them lock, stock and barrel, and of course, their blistered queen, who was a mixture of red and white flesh. They had, however, in their hurry to leave their hell on earth, left behind food and supplies galore. I straightaway commanded my troops to take over the entire building, marching round the house in 18 days. Formicidae set up an infrastructure of tunnels around the house. I positioned guards at all the entrances, lest the enemy returned. Next I held a banquet in honour of our troops congratulating them on their success. The Antagon was jam-packed. Delegations from the United Anthropods, Leg-6, ASEAP (Association of South East Asian Pests) and Insectpeace organizations arrived, and joined in the celebrations. Pests around the world: mosquitoes from New York, Bush lizards of Australia, moths from Korea, even the London river rats sent their tributes. The building also became HQ for these organizations worldwide. Ants therefore became the most high-tech and civilised of all insects, and our colony was bequeathed the title of 'Guardian of all metropolitan insects'.